Lately, we seem to be addressing China as ‘bully’. If India alone was impacted, had called China troublesome, a difficult neighbour, America would have advised us to sort out the issues ASAP, South East Asia would have shirked it as our bilateral issue, probably empathizing with both the countries (also the aggressor), and Europe would have looked the other way, a non-issue for the ‘unimpacted’.
In the language of ‘bullying’, India would have been the ‘bullied’; China, the ‘bully’; and Pakistan and Nepal the ‘flunkies’. One should be reminded here that bullies have a pack mentality, they follow the same agenda and guidelines, hence imitate the leader of the group. Lastly, there is the rest of the ‘unimpacted’ world, they are called ‘indifferent bullies’, bullies nevertheless!
Having developed this scenario, this write-up is not intended to be a sermon on geo-political state of the world. The idea is to establish that bullying is extremely widespread, and we all are accomplices. No one is guilt-free!
Bullying is normally associated with schools, where the physical and verbal assaults on a young target can be highly debilitating – poor growth, confidence, and performance for a long period of time. Yet, in my opinion, the most lethal kind of harassment is ‘social bullying’ where the aggressor intimidates the vulnerable repeatedly, and inflicts a silent trauma by manipulating the potential influencers (classmates, office colleagues, neighbours, family members) to distance themselves from the victim. The bullies lay ground for isolation, and the ‘bullied’ struggles alone, with no ears to hear his/her account.
This behaviour is rampant across all countries, and across all aspects of modern lives. Are families and relationships devoid of this conduct? No! In families, it is mostly the person who has managed to earn an elevated social and economic position, rules the roost. The rich influential uncle/cousin in the family has the right to invite or exclude or lambast whoever he wishes to. And the oldies in the family who were forever chafing us on the way we dressed, the way we talked, our decisions, the friends we had, choose to remain silent. The ‘overt bully’ and the ‘indifferent bullies’ together build a karma for themselves. Together, they are responsible for the fragmented relations and grief.
Then there are ‘relational bullies’. Women are more susceptible to this kind of pursuit. To obtain a control on their victims, they resort to ‘excluding’ and ‘gossiping’. They bully through spreading false or exaggerated rumours, resulting in damaged reputation for the victim. Have we not seen relationally aggressive aunts and cousins establishing a strong social hold by spreading falsehood, ostracizing the victim, and manipulating the situation in their favour? And, what’s the role of the ‘indifferent bullies’ in this case? They measure the scales of dominance and personal benefit, and play along with the bully, more for sadistic pleasure, again seriously hurting the wellbeing of their common prey.
Is workplace devoid of bullying? Definitely not! We just refer to it as ‘workplace politics’! What do we call it when a colleague doesn’t respond to your greeting, goes silent when you enter the room, escapes for smoke or a snack with another colleague without including you, rebuffs you often…? Have we not heard of some work colleagues meeting after work, bonding on gossips, ridicule, deliberately fabricating a negative image of the ‘victim’, making him/her a laughing stalk? This is bullying!
At workplace, the bullies are almost always the popular guys (women and men). They exude confidence and enjoy a sense of entitlement. The appreciation they receive for their contribution at work is misconstrued as licence to ridicule, belittle or patronize ‘a few’ others.
In almost all cases, when we chose not to discuss the differences with the person concerned, with an intent to resolve the issue, but involve others to vent our anger, frustration and ego, we are strengthening the filthy practice of ‘bullying’. Also, the moment we opt to partake in the gossips, feigning ‘indifference’(to the situation) or ‘alliance’ (to the bully), we have started ruining multiple life. The victims suffer not because they are weak, but for they are alone!
Next, we strive to cover “Ways to stop bullying.” Views and suggestions would be appreciated.
Monica (Managing Editor) is the quintessential researcher - she thrives on showcasing overlooked aspects that form the foundation blocks of people, places and issues. She is a social scientist by profession with masters in Economics and loves to travel.